By Katie Johnsen, Event Coordinator, GRCA
As someone who plans more than 70 business events every year for the Greater Reading Chamber Alliance (GRCA), I spend a lot of time watching people network.
At our Women2Women and Family Business Alliance events, we intentionally reserve the first half hour for networking. The same goes for small business programs like Coffee&Convos and Lunch&Learns. Signature events like Breakfast4Success, the Annual Dinner, and the Picnic & Games all create opportunities for people to connect with leaders from across Greater Reading. And then there’s our monthly Networking@Night, which is pure networking.
After years of observing conversations across ballrooms, restaurants, stadiums and conference rooms, I can confidently say this: networking is not most people’s favorite activity.
And honestly? I understand why.
Most networking conversations start the same way:
“What do you do?”
“How are you?”
“How’s it going?”
Recently, I came across an interview with communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards, author of “Captivate and Cues,” and her opening statement immediately grabbed my attention:
“Stop asking, ‘What do you do?’ Stop asking, ‘How are ya?’ Stop asking ‘How’s it going?’ … Those are the most boring questions anyone’s ever asked.”
It made me laugh—but it also made me think.
The problem isn’t networking itself. The problem is that many of us are stuck in autopilot conversations that don’t help us connect with people.
When I was a teenager, my dad insisted I occasionally put down the fantasy novels I loved and read nonfiction books that would help me connect with people as an adult. Books like “Who Moved My Cheese?” and “How to Win Friends and Influence People” became unexpected lessons in communication and emotional intelligence.
One of the biggest takeaways from Dale Carnegie’s nearly 100-year-old classic still sticks with me today: people love talking about the things they care about.
If you can get someone talking about themselves—or about something meaningful to them —they’ll usually walk away feeling good about the interaction. That’s not manipulation. It’s empathy. It’s creating space for people to feel seen and heard.
That’s why I loved some of the alternative networking questions Vanessa suggested.
Instead of “What do you do?” she recommends asking: “Working on anything exciting these days?”
What I like about this question is that it gives people freedom. If their work is exciting to them, they’ll naturally talk about it. But if they’re passionate about something outside of work—a project, hobby, volunteer opportunity or family milestone—they can share that instead. You also gain something far more valuable than a job title: a memorable detail you can follow up on later.
Another question she recommends is: “What’s your biggest goal right now?”
This question instantly changes the energy of a conversation. People who are growth-minded tend to light up when they talk about what they’re building, improving or pursuing. You learn quickly what motivates someone, and it often leads to deeper conversations than standard small talk ever could.
And one of my favorites: “What book, movie or TV character is most like you—and why?”
It sounds playful, but it reveals a surprising amount about how someone sees themselves, what they value and even their sense of humor.
The truth is that meaningful networking isn’t about collecting business cards or perfecting an elevator pitch. It’s about curiosity.
The people who leave the strongest impression at events usually are not the loudest people in the room. They’re the people who ask thoughtful questions, genuinely listen and make others feel comfortable.
So, the next time you walk into a networking event—whether it’s a GRCA mixer, a coffee meetup or a professional conference—challenge yourself to move beyond “What do you do?”
You might walk away with something far more valuable than a contact.
You might walk away with an actual connection.